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13 People Reveal What It's Really Like To Be A Swinger

What's it like being a swinger? How do they handle other people sleeping with their significant other? Do they feel turned on, insecure or downright jealous? We turned to Reddit to look for these answers and what we found was an entire community of swingers, all of whom were more than happy to disclose the many secrets of their lifestyle. Here, we highlight 13 swingers answering the question, "What is it really like to be a swinger?"


It's awesome. "My experience has been pretty f**king awesome," one user writers. "As long as you both have the right type of personality, are extremely comfortable in your relationship and set hard/soft limits on day one, and be prepared for those limits to be pushed." We probably could have guessed that.

Safety is key. Fortunately, this swinger prioritizes safety: "We have rules that need to be followed. Safety is always key (both sex safety and MDK safety.) We trust each other but if one of us does not like the other's partner we can veto it (it doesn't happen often but it does happen)."

It takes constant dialogue. Communication is key, as this user points out. "My husband and I are open. We both expressed interest in incorporating others in the bedroom, early on. We eventually figured out that we were just fine not being around each other and having our own separate adventures.

It takes constant dialogue. I don't think it should be something that should be tried just to save a relationship. If there isn't a strong foundation, what you have is going to crack as soon as the first wave of jealousy hits it. It's important to set the terms and keep them always, because even if you want more freedom than your partner allows, not following rules in the beginning will kill your chances for leniency in the future.

It's also crucial to never dismiss any feelings. Talk, talk, talk. Re-evaluate the situation periodically. And get tested regularly."

It's exciting. Contrary to popular belief, most swingers experience very little feelings of jealousy. One user writes: "I have a girlfriend and a boyfriend. I've never really experienced jealously. I have been cheated on in past relationships where we had agreed to be monogamous. I wasn't jealous then, either. It was the betrayal of trust that ended that relationship.

When I see my partners with their partners or lovers, it makes me happy. When we're all hanging out together and one of them hugs or kisses their partner, I feel joy and excitement that they're happy. They feel they same for me."

It's more ups than downs. While swingers do experience some lows, a user who goes by the name "oohitsalady" hasn't had many: "I've been in a relationship with a woman for five years, exclusive for two years, threesomes only for a year after that, now we're fully open. We always knew that monogamy wasn't for us, but we wanted to establish who 'us' is before letting other people in.

It's been pretty awesome with way more ups than downs. The biggest down being a brief adjustment period. I myself can have a sexual relationship with someone and just be friends. Literally friends with benefits. The woman I see now has been in my life on and off for ten years. We chill, play video games, smoke, eat dinner and have sex a few times a year. My girlfriend likes to wine and dine, court women… date essentially. This was hard for me at first, as I thought we both would be doing more casual things. Now what I realize is that like me, she can date them, sleep with them, even love them and it changes nothing."

It's all about being on the same page. This Redditor related his swingerness to, well, sandwiches. "How do you handle your roommate eating your sandwich? Not very good if there's yours and flatmate's food separately," he writes. "But if you agreed on sharing all the food and made clear rules from day one about who buys and when and who gets to eat what... Then you also get to eat someone else's sandwich if it happens to be there when you're hungry.

Well, people are not sandwiches but what I'm trying to say is it's about how you set the rules from beginning and make sure you are on the same page."

A mistake. One woman shared her experience with swinging — safe to say, it didn't go well. "We didn't handle it well," she discloses. "My ex and I swang twice, and it started a deterioration of our relationship that ended in us breaking up a few weeks ago."

It's fun. "There was some jealousy for me initially, but once we'd been at if for a while, it went away," one Redditor writes. "You have to have a solid, secure relationship. It's important (for us) to know that no matter what happens in the bedroom, we are in a loving and committed relationship. And honestly, its freeing to be able to experiment with sex without having to be single. We've been with another couple in a fourgy, and have had a M/F/M threesome. Hoping for a F/M/F eventually, to level the playing field a bit.

I love knowing that my boyfriend is head over heels for me and vice versa, but we are still able to enjoy fun and 'out of the ordinary' sex." Teach us your ways, girl.

It's a huge turn-on. Unsurprisingly, some swingers revealed that swinging is hot. Duh. "For some people it is a huge turn-on, myself and my wife included," one user writes. "We were in the scene for about five years, both before and after our marriage. But, and I can't stress this enough, IT IS NOT FOR EVERYONE. You can very easily get into the lifestyle for the wrong reasons and end up detonating your relationship — and we have seen it happen (though it's a strikingly narrow minority of the people we have met). Protection is a must, and communication is essential to ensuring that everyone is comfortable with what is going on."

It's scary. STDs are a big deal — accordingly, some folks who tried out swinging were terrified of catching something. One user puts it this way: "1) Terrified of f**king disease. 2) See item #1. 3) there is no item 3. 4) Read over from beginning." Well, okay then.

Honesty is important. Like, extremely important. "It isn't for everyone, I have friends who are swingers who have really struggled or had their relationships fall apart," one Redditor shares. "Honesty, honesty, honesty. That is what makes such arrangements work. You have to be honest with yourself and with your partner. It will not work if you are doing it 'for them'."

It never works out. While the lifestyle can be exciting, this user doesn't consider it realistic: "I've been involved with threesomes, swinger couples and people that were polyamorous. The lifestyle can be fun, but for the most part, from my experiences, it doesn't work out.

Someone usually gets jealous in the primary couple and drama ensues. I would say it's hard to find a couple that ACTUALLY knows how to trust, and to keep the drama out. Maybe I've just been hanging out with the wrong people, but even just watching what my friends go through, the relationship shifts involved with being swingers, or just polyamorous, I'd say it takes a lot of trust and communication. Most couples can't handle it (from my experience)."

It's not a big deal. This user shares his tip to being a successful swinger: "The trick is to keep everything above-board and to prioritize the primary relationship. I've slept with other people. I've dated other people. I even fell in love with a girl I dated. But my partner is always, always number one.

As far as handling other people sleeping with him... it's not a big deal. Sex is sex. As long as he doesn't hide things from me and practices safe sex, I'm fine."

SOURCE: therebelcirus.com

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