Home

January Hedo II Groups

Is It Time To Change Our Views Of Adultery and Marriage?

Are there alternative ways to perceive and participate in a marriage that will guarantee its success?

In today's society, marriage happens when two people (usually a man and a woman) fall in love and decide to spend the rest of their lives together in monogamy. But did you know that wasn't always the case? In fact, the modern version of marriage emerged a mere couple of hundred years ago. In the past, marriage rarely involved love (most marriages were arranged based on income and social status), and the majority of societies allowed and expected plural marriages, with either multiple wives or multiple husbands.

Clearly the concept of marriage has changed greatly over the years. And with today's rate of divorce between 40 and 50 percent, coupled with the prevalence of adultery in many marriages, perhaps it's time for the concept of marriage to continue to evolve. According to Associated Press, Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 41 percent of spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional. This leads me to ask, "Are we really supposed to be with just one person our whole life? And if not, must we get re-married five times? Are there alternative ways to perceive and participate in a marriage that will guarantee its success?"

Adultery May Be Inevitable Hundreds of years ago, life expectancy was a fraction of what it is today. When two people in their 20s got married, it was quite possible that one of the two would be deceased within 10-15 years -- often much sooner. Today, however, that same young couple could be together for 60 or more years! Is it realistic to think that two people could be emotionally, mentally, physically and sexually compatible for that long? I've known several marriages that last that long, and a few even look happy, which is great. However, they're few and far between.

Don't get me wrong... I'm not condoning adultery as we know it, because I'm not strictly talking about sex. But because it is so taboo, when you consider the historical context of marriage, isn't being shocked by adultery a bit of an overreaction?

Of course, no one can deny that when you lie and do something behind another person's back, you are doing something wrong. You're breaking an agreement, and that lacks integrity. You're breaking trust with the other person, which is most definitely hurtful. But in the course of a long term relationship, taking into account the practical realities of our human need to experience life on our own, or through experiences with other platonic or romantic relationships, perhaps a new kind of conversation can unfold with your spouse or partner where you jointly communicate your needs and set reasonable and practical parameters of what is and isn't allowed in your marriage, so the negative and hidden behaviors associated with adultery don't take place.

A Lesson From the Japanese. The Japanese culture, which views marriage as vital for social status, not something you do for love, has a booming adultery industry. Online adultery site Ashley Madison says Japan was the fastest country to reach 1 million users, and the ratio of women to men on the site is about two-to-one.

I worked in Japan off and on for nearly a decade and often heard people say that marriage was more of a business and didn't encompass the whole being. Men would say, "I got married because you have to marry to be respected as a man. You can't get a job in a good company if you're not married." Similarly, women often said, "If you're a woman and you're not married, it looks bad on you, it's hard to fit in, and you can't have children or you and your child will be shamed." As a result, many people in Japan get married to anyone, whether they're attracted to them or not, because in that culture marriage makes you legitimate, which is true in many cultures. In fact, I once asked several men why they regularly visited hostess clubs (night clubs that employ female staff to act like "rent-a-girlfriends" to men), and they all said similar sentiments: "My wife is cool with it. That's our culture. She doesn't love me either. She's thrilled that I'm gone and I'm not bugging her for sex or company." Clearly, in the Japanese culture, the concept of marriage is viewed very differently than the widely held beliefs of it in the West, showing that marriage cannot be a one-size-fits-all concept.

Since marriage has evolved so much over the ages, and different cultures have different views of it even today, perhaps it's time for the age-old institution to evolve yet again. Maybe the tenets of a successful marriage should not be whether the couple stays monogamous for decades, but rather whether the couple openly communicates about what their unique marriage will look like, what will be deemed acceptable and what will not, and then honoring that joint decision.

For example, most couples that end up on my couch say that they have fallen into complacency. One or both people in the relationship have checked out, but they don't want to divorce for the sake of their children. Or they still love each other, valuing each other as a support system and as close friends, but don't feel sexual toward one another. Or one partner feels the need for solitude to work on themselves, separate from the responsibilities required in a relationship. In any of these cases, they're all frustrated by the limitations put upon them by the traditional expectations of marriage.

I always tell my clients to create a vision plan of what they want their marriage to look like and what they'd both be okay with. This will enable their relationship to grow within the confines of how they, as a unique couple, define marriage. One of my couples took a year off; another couple decided to live separately but stay BFF's because they enjoyed each other's friendship, but the passion died. And guess what eventually happened to both couples? They ended up back together again because they had breathing room and felt that simply having the freedom to do what they wanted shifted their energy back to their original partner. Sometimes, as the saying goes, "absence makes the heart grow fonder." But perhaps "abstinence" could be an appropriate substitution in that statement?

Having that kind of openness to look at the relationship is key to happiness and reducing the shame of hiding your wants and needs from your life partner. If marriage is a sacred union, then we owe it to our partner to be honest with them, however complicated each other's individual expectations may be.

In my work as a Hollywood life coach and spiritual teacher, I see many clients who are divorcing and cite adultery as the main factor. And when I ask why the adultery occurred, the adulterous party usually explains they felt emotionally disconnected from their partner and felt trapped -- that the communication was gone. Imagine how many divorces and heartbreaks we could avoid if our culture was okay with having this type of open communication -- the type of willingness to allow the marriage to evolve into something both parties can agree on, even if it's not society's customary image of marriage?

If we're going to broaden or evolve the definition of marriage to incorporate modern realities, communication is the first step. Therefore, I urge everyone to talk with their spouse or partner today and together co-create what your marriage will be. Yes, it really is that simple... and it's the surest way to ensure a happy and healthy relationship. By Lisa Haisha, from the Huffington Post Online 5/5/2014 edition.  Follow Lisa Haisha on Twitter

Editor's Note: Swinging is an alternative to adultery, and is based on honesty, transparency and keeping of agreements made. Her are some quotes from nomadlife.com regarding swinging. “Marriage is like water,” he said. “You have to drink it. Swinging is like wine. Some people feel it’s delicious the first time they try it, so they keep drinking. Some people try it and think it tastes bad, so they never drink it again. It’s completely voluntary. No one is forcing you.”

Food for thought on the status of marriage today.

Dream Pleasure Tours – offers erotic and romantic travel and vacations, clothing optional and nudist travel and vacations and more!

Desire Cruise

Desire Pearl

Desire Cruise

Expand your horizons and explore your fantasies, as you cruise through some of the world’s most exotic destinations along the coastal region of the Western Mediterranean.
 

Click Here to Visit Desire Cruise Website

Desire Pearl

Desire Pearl

Desire Resort Cancun

Desire Pearl is a 5-star resort located just south of Cancun along the beautiful Riviera Maya Coastline. Desire is an All-Inclusive, Couples Only, Clothing Optional and Lifestyle Friendly Resort.
 

Click Here to Visit Desire Pearl Website

Hedonism II

Hedo 2

Hedo II

For more than 30 years, Hedonism clothing optional resorts have enjoyed a reputation for shattering inhibitions and provoking the kind of behavior people don’t talk about in polite circles. It’s what happens when you combine warm water, a white-sand beach, open bars, and open minds.
 

Click Here to Visit the Hedo Website

Bliss Cruises

Bliss lifestyle cruises

Bliss Cruises

Bliss Cruise makes it easy for adventuresome couples to enjoy time at sea by offering adult-only, full-ship charters that tour exotic locations from Florida to the Eastern and Western Caribbean. In some areas of the ship, clothing is optional -- but all passengers are at least 21 years and older -- so no need to worry about an under-aged crowd.
 

Click Here to learn more

Naughty Events

Naughty in N'awlins

Naughty Events

Naughty Events is the premier swinger/lifestyle/nudist/BDSM and sex positive events producer in the country - including the amazing Nughty in N'awlins, as well as several other exciting events.
 

Click Here to learn more

Desire Riviera Maya

Desire Riviera Maya

Desire Cancun

Desire Resort & Spa Riviera Maya is a couples-only resort, the first and only of its kind in Mexico, located in Cancun’s Riviera Maya. Amazing landscapes and a deliciously erotic atmosphere will unleash your imagination and stimulate your senses throughout your clothing-optional vacation.
 

Click Here to Visit the Desire Riviera Maya Website

Temptation Resort Cancun

Temptation Resort

Temptation Resort & Spa Cancun

Temptation created a space where adults can be safe, be themselves and just have fun.They have devoted ourselves to creating a completely unique experience that brings people back time and time again. And it shows in the resort’s unparalleled occupancy rate, which is between 80% and 85%, all year round.
 

Click Here to Visit Temptation Website

Hedonism II Weather

Now
Kasidie.com - Sexually Social

Newsletter Sign Up

Receive Discounts and Special Promotions not offered to the General Public.

Latest News

Latest Blogs

27 February 2018
Uncategorized
Sexual Information
In 2010, Mira Bellwether wrote "Fucking Trans Women," the first piece of its kind that outlined the sex lives of trans women as an educational and instructional piece of text. In the zine, Bellwether discusses "muffing," a term th...
20 February 2018
Uncategorized
Sexual Information
To most "squares," the idea of a swingers party elicits visions of a cramped room full of writhing, sweat-soaked bodies; people uninhibited by "traditional" sexual protocols. But, in reality, a sex party is a finely orchestrated g...
19 February 2018
Resort Travel
News
Adventure Travel
In the midst of glowing reviews of several Belizean resorts recently awarded by renowned travel site, Trip Advisor, the country is also receiving international exposure for two week-long swingers' parties set to be hosted on a pri...