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  • 13 things only someone who’s been to Jamaica will understand

    jamaica 50th13 Things only someone who's been to Jamaica will understand

     
    1. Jerk, curry, patties…it’s all about the food.
     
    With a cultural heritage extending from indigenous to West African, European, Indian, and Chinese, Jamaican cuisine is delicious and diverse. Breakfast means it’s time for the national dish — seasoned ackee. The national fruit is cooked when ripe, scrambled with saltfish, and served with sides of dumplings, breadfruit, and yam. Throw in a cup of cornmeal porridge if you’re still hungry, and wash it all down with a cup of Blue Mountain coffee.
     
    Lunch typically consists of a heaping plate of coconut rice n’ peas that might be served with brown stew chicken or curried goat. And with locations all over the island, there’s always the opportunity to stop for a stuffed patty snack from Tastee. Or calm those hunger pains with roasted peanuts and fruits; there are mobile street carts selling food everywhere.
     
    2. And you haven’t had Jamaican jerk until you’ve tried it here.
     
    Hot off the pimento wood fire and topped with homemade jerk sauce — that’s the way it’s meant to be. Head to a jerk centre, an open-air roadside restaurant serving local dishes, and order your preferred portion of chicken or pork by the quarter, half, or full. Roadside jerk pans are also ubiquitous on the island. For the best jerk, head to Boston Bay on the east coast.
     
    3. “Everything’s gonna be all right” is a Jamaican philosophy, not just the lyrics to a Bob Marley tune.
     
    It won’t be long into your stay before you hear a Jamaican say: “Everything irie!” Everything is great. And the answer to any of your requests will be, “No problem, man!”
     
    These responses point to the belief that there are no problems that can’t be fixed. Jamaicans have an aptitude for remaining positive. It’s a belief rooted in faith, and not letting their struggles overshadow the present moment. No matter the issue, it’s still going to be fine, because there’s always a solution.
     
    4. River bathing is just as good as beach time.
     
    Islanders enjoy the beach, but they also love their river wata. On a hot day, there’s nothing more soothing than swimming in a cool river under the shade of the tropical forest. And it’s a great way to enjoy Jamaica’s inland beauty. Check out Mayfield Falls to hike and dip, or Steven’s Aqua Nature Park in Negril. On the north coast, White River beckons with its turquoise waters.
     
    5. It’s easy to get away from the tourist crowds.
     
    It’s true that Jamaica is one of the most popular destinations in the Caribbean. But this doesn’t mean your only options are crowded beaches and packed all-inclusive resorts. Head east to Port Antonio and find the Jamaica that always was — filled with more nature than people, quiet public beaches such as Frenchman’s Cove and Boston Bay, and fishing village vibes. In Treasure Beach, on the south coast, you’ll find tranquility — there’s only a handful of small guesthouses here and quiet black-sand beaches.
     
    6. This is where vegetarians and vegans find their bliss.
     
    That’d be thanks to the Rastafari who run Ital organic restaurants where no meat products are used. Instead, they dish out tasty plates of callaloo, ackee, and soups.
     
    7. Dunn’s River Falls isn’t the only stunning waterfall around.
     
    Yes, the tourism brochures rave about Dunn’s River Falls, featured in James Bond’s Dr. No, and practically all the tour operators are ready to whisk you here. But while Dunn’s River doesn’t disappoint (except sometimes for the crowds), there are even more stunning waterfalls in Jamaica.
     
    One is YS Falls, on the south coast and accessible from Negril. On the way to Port Antonio, Somerset Falls is unique for its canoe ride to reach the cascading waters before dipping in the pools and exploring the caves. And in a remote corner of the east coast are the multilevel emerald pools and cascades at Reach Falls. Tucked within a rainforest park in the Blue and John Crow Mountains (a UNESCO World Heritage Site of their own), they’re my favorite spot on the island.
     
    8. There are mountains and cool temperatures.
     
    Most visitors stick to Jamaica’s beaches, but in doing so they miss out on one of the island’s most spectacular landscapes. At 7,500 feet above sea level, the Blue Mountains are a short drive up a winding road from Kingston, taking you to cool temperatures and incredible views. This area is also home to coffee plantations where you can hike and sample some of the most sought-after beans in the region. Stay overnight at a mountain cabin, grab brunch with a view at the luxurious Strawberry Hill Hotel, and go mountain biking to take in more of the scenery.
     
    9. The sunsets are legendary.
     
    Jamaica’s sunsets are nothing short of spectacular, and come with the occasional green flash. Catching a sundowner with a drink and friends is the way to end the day, particularly in Negril, where the views are unmatched. As the sky turns all shades of orange and red, sip on cocktails at Rick’s Café — a touristy spot that’s also popular with locals simply for the views — or escape the noise at any number of adjacent smaller bars.
     
    In Montego Bay, Pier 1 is the best bet for a sunset view, while on the south coast Lovers Leap sits atop a 1,700ft vertical drop with panoramic view across the coastline.
     
    10. You won’t leave without making a friend or two.
     
    From the moment you step out of the airport you’ll be greeted and offered help. Jamaicans genuinely want visitors to enjoy their country and their culture; you won’t leave without learning a few names and saying to them, “soon come.”
     
    11. Learning a little Jamaican Patois is key.
     
     Picking up a few words of Patois is part of the fun of visiting Jamaica. These “Jamaicanisms” will also go a long way when you’re meeting locals and getting around.
     
    For starters, there’s Wah gwaan — “what’s up?” You’ll reply everything cool or everything criss — “everything’s fine.” Other common words include gyal for “girl,” irie for “wonderful,” bredren for “friend,” big up yuhself for giving props to someone, and likkle more for “bye / see you later.” It’s also not unusual for men to call female friends and visitors princess or empress — enjoy it while you’re there!
     
    12. There’s always a reggae or food festival going on somewhere.
     
    From music to food, Jamaicans love to celebrate their culture. There are festivals year round that visitors will stumble on, or around which they can plan their visit.
     
    One of the most popular music shows is Rebel Salute, an all-nighter reggae concert that takes place every January. On the food side, Portland’s and Negril’s Jerk Festivals — in July and November, respectively — are amazing. And on the Jamaican north coast is the Nyam Jam Festival, hosted at GoldenEye in November, a weekend event that showcases top Jamaican chefs as well as international guests.
     
    13. Jamaica is the “Home of All Right.
     
     Maybe it’s the beat of the drums and reggae, the friendliness of the people, or the unforgettable scenery of beaches and hills, but it’s hard to disagree with the phrase coined by the Jamaica Tourist Board — this island really is the “Home of All Right.” To truly understand what that means, you have to come and experience it for yourself. 
     
    Source: Matadorenetwork

  • 25 Facts About BDSM

    25 Facts About BDSM That You Won't Learn In "Fifty Shades Of Grey"

    Forget Fifty Shades of Grey. Here’s your real primer on all things kink.

     25 Facts About BDSM pic
     
    1. First things first: Here’s what BDSM actually stands for:
    BDSM includes bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadism & masochism (S&M). The terms are lumped together that way because BDSM can be a lot of different things to different people with different preferences, BDSM writer and educator Clarisse Thorn, author of The S&M Feminist, tells  Most of the time, a person's interests fall into one or two of those categories, rather than all of them.
     
     
    2. It doesn’t always involve sex, but it can.
    Most people think BDSM is always tied to sex, and while it can be for some people, others draw a hard line between the two. "Both are bodily experiences that are very intense and sensual and cause a lot of very strong feelings in people who practice them, but they're not the same thing," says Thorn. The metaphor she uses for it: a massage. Sometimes a massage, however sensual it feels, is just a massage. For others, a rubdown pretty much always leads to sex. It's kind of similar with BDSM; it's a matter of personal and sexual preference.
     
    3. There is nothing inherently wrong or damaged with people if they’re into it.
    This is one of the most common and frustrating misconceptions about BDSM, says Thorn. BDSM isn't something that emerges from abuse or domestic violence, and engaging in it does not mean that you enjoy abuse or abusing.Instead, enjoying BDSM is just one facet of someone's sexuality and lifestyle. "It's just regular people who happen to get off that way," sex expert Gloria Brame, Ph.D., author of Different Loving, tells BuzzFeed Life. "It's your neighbors and your teachers and the people bagging your groceries. The biggest myth is that you need this special set of circumstances. It's regular people who have a need for that to be their intimate dynamic."
     
     4. Know that you can always say no.
    "A lot of people starting out think it's 'all or nothing,' specially if you've only been with one partner," says Thorn. For instance, you might think that because you enjoyed being submissive under certain circumstances, that means you must agree to a whole host of submissive or masochistic behaviors that you're not necessarily into. But that's absolutely wrong. You can — and should — pick and choose which BDSM activities you are and are not interested in, says Thorn. And that can vary depending on the situation, the partner, or even the day. Just remember that consent is a requirement in BDSM, and it's possible to consent to one thing while still objecting to another.
     
    5. BDSMers are just as stable as people who prefer vanilla sex.
    "In my experience, it's easier for people to get into BDSM if they don't have a history of abuse, people who are in a more stable place in their lives," says Thorn. A 2008 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that people who had engaged in BDSM in the past year were no more likely to have been coerced into sexual activity and were no more likely to be unhappy or anxious than those who didn't do BDSM. And actually, men who engaged in BDSM had lower scores of psychological distress than other men.
     That said, BDSMers do not judge people who aren't into it, explains Thorn. The term "vanilla" isn't meant to be derogatory, just to refer to non-BDSM sexual acts or people who aren't interested in kink.
     
    6. Fifty Shades of Grey is considered very cringe-worthy in the BDSM community.
    If you ever find yourself at a BDSM meet-up or dungeon, don't mention any shade of grey. While some people appreciate that the books spurred more interest in kink and may have made it less stigmatized, others take issue with the abusive, unhealthy relationship it portrays and the seriously unrealistic scenes. All in all, it is not an accurate representation of the BDSM community.
     
    7. It’s not all whips and chains all the time — orever if that’s not your thing.
    Sure, some S&M enthusiasts might have these in their arsenal, but it's definitely not everyone's cup of kink. "Some people go for what's called 'sensual dominance,' which is where there might be some toys or play but no pain involved at all," says Brame. "It's more like one partner agrees to do everything than the other person asks. BDSM doesn't have to follow any pattern, and there is no one model for what a BDSM relationship can be."
     
    8. BDSM encounters are called “scenes.”
    Again, since it isn't always about intercourse, you wouldn't necessarily say that you "had sex" or "hooked up" with someone after a BDSM experience. Instead, these are called scenes (like, you scened with someone or you had a scene)."It's an evolution from a time where, if you did S&M, you might only do it with a professional for an hour, or you might just see it performed at a BDSM club," says Brame. "Now people have much more organic relationships, but they still call it a scene — the time when we bring out the toys or get into that headspace."
     
    9. There are dominants, submissives, tops, and bottoms.
    So you've probably heard about dominants and submissives (if not, the dominant enjoys being in charge, while the submissive enjoys receiving orders). But BDSMers may also use the terms "tops" and "bottoms" to describe themselves. A top could refer to a dominant or a sadist (someone who enjoys inflicting pain), while a bottom could refer to a submissive or a masochist (someone who enjoys receiving pain). This allows you to have a blanket term for those who generally like being on either the giving or receiving end in a BDSM encounter. And there's no rule that says you can't be both dominant and submissive in different circumstances or with different partners.
     
    10. It can be as simple or as technical as you want.
    Maybe the thought of being tied up excites you, or you enjoy spanking or being spanked. Or maybe you're more interested in leather masks and nipple clamps and hot wax. All of that (and obviously a lot more) is within the realm of BDSM. Basically, you can still be into kink without actually ever going to a dungeon.
     
    11. Before you go past the VERY basics, do your research.
    Using a blindfold or an ice cube or fuzzy handcuffs you got at a bachelorette party are all relatively harmless beginner behaviors if you're into them. But before you play around with some of the trickier tools, you need to learn how to do so safely. Even a rope or a whip can be dangerous if you don't know what you're doing.Hell, you can even mess up with your own hands (think: fisting): "[Some people] think they can clench a fist and stick it inside somebody," says Brame. "That's a good way to really injure someone and send them to the hospital." (Instead, she suggests an "enormous amount of lubricant" and starting with two or three fingers, then slowly and carefully building up to the whole hand.)
     
    12. Seriously, BDSM involves A LOT of reading and learning.
    If you're one of those people who throws away the directions and tries to build the bookshelf on intuition alone, BDSM is probably not for you. "I would say the vast majority of what we call BDSM education is how to maximize ecstasy and minimize risk," says Brame. "How to do all the things you fantasized about doing and to do them safely."
     While there's no one required reading list, there seem to be a few favorites that are often recommended to beginners, like SM 101 by Jay Wiseman, Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns, by Phillip Miller and Molly Devon, and The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton. 
     Classes, conferences, and meetups are also helpful for learning specific techniques, says Thorn. Another popular resource is FetLife.com, a Facebook-like network for the kink community, which can connect you with message boards, groups, and classes in your area.
     
    13. It’s important to get your information from a variety of sources.
    One mistake many people make when first experimenting with BDSM is relying on one person to show them the way. Even if they do have your best interest at heart (and they might not), it can be limiting to only have one perspective on something that is so multidimensional, says Thorn. Instead, seek out books, workshops, meet-ups, mentors, friends, message boards, and more to find a safe place to explore your interests.
     "When you can't talk about what's happening and you can't make sense of your experience with like-minded people, that's way more dangerous than the variety of activities you might fantasize about," says Thorn.
     
     
    14. Safe words are definitely a thing.
    It might sound cheesy, but it's a well-established norm in BDSM. (And hey, your safe word could actually be "cheesy" if you want. You do you.) "Safe words are probably one of the most important norms that have spread across the community, even if people use them in different ways," says Thorn. For instance, not everyone uses safe words all the time after a while, but it's important to start out with them. They can essentially be anything you want, as long as it's something that you wouldn't normally say during sex. You can find more info about safe words here.
     
    15. And at some public events, there are even safety monitors on duty.
    "Dungeon monitors will kick out people who don't look like they're playing safely," says Brame. This can be anything from ignoring safe words to using a whip incorrectly. Seriously, did we mention that safety is paramount here? In fact, the acronym SSC (safe, sane, consensual) is one of the most common pillars of the practice.
     
     
    16. It’s not as spontaneous as Hollywood movies or porn make it out to be.
    Getting swept up in the moment and accidentally stumbling into a millionaire's red room (where you'll have multiple orgasms) is probably not going to happen to you ever. But, that's not necessarily a bad thing. "The sexual fantasy makes everything look so easy," says Brame. "People who actually do this stuff are very cautious about it. It has to be the right place and right time and right equipment. And you have to know you can get the person out [of whatever bondage] if there's an emergency. You have to feel you can trust the person." So there's a lot that goes into one scene, but that doesn't mean it's any less satisfying for those who enjoy it.
     
    17. There’s also probably way more talking involved than there is with (most) vanilla sex.
    Whenever people question the role of consent in BDSM, they should consider the enormous amount of communication that occurs before, during, and after the scenes. "We talk about it hugely before we ever do it," says Brame. "We talk about what we want to do, what we're going to do, what our fantasies are… that's part of negotiating a good relationship as a BDSMer."
     
     
    18. There’s actually a pre-negotiation period, where the partners discuss what they like, what they don’t like, and what they absolutely will not tolerate.Think of this as the primer before the scene. "It's a way of discussing the experience ahead of time that can increase emotional security," says Thorn. This can involve anything from scripts and checklists to a more informal discussion of what each person's expectations are for the scene, what they want and don't want, and any words or actions that are completely off-limits.
     
    19. And then comes aftercare, the debriefing period that happens once the scene ends.
    Since BDSM can be an incredibly intense and emotional experience for some, most experts strongly suggest this wrap-up step, where the partners can discuss the scene and any reactions they had to it. "People are extremely vulnerable during aftercare," says Thorn. "It can be really weird to have a scene without it." This can also be a strong bonding experience between the partners.
     
     
    20. BDSMers can be monogamous, polyamorous, or whatever the hell they want.
    Not everyone who's interested in BDSM has multiple sexual or relationship partners. "It used to be a popular perception that we don't form long-term relationships," says Brame. "A lot of BDSMers are just monogamous people. A lot of people just want to do it with their partner or play with the big toys at clubs."
     
    21. There are so many different types of whips.
    This is not a one-size-fits-all kink. There are light floggers, leather whips, whips with single tails, whips with multiple tails that are flat and wide, the list goes on, says Thorn. But because certain types can be harsher than others, you really need to learn how to use them properly (again, workshops are crucial). "People practicing with a single-tail whip will often start with a pillow or some distant small object, like a light switch," she says.
     
     
    22. And there are some places that you definitely don't want to whip.
    Like, um, the eyes, obviously. Or the kidney area. "The skin is thin there and you have vital organs under there. You can bruise your kidneys," explains Brame.
     
    23. If you want to bring it up in your current relationship, absolutely do it.
    "There are plenty of stories out there of people who were too nervous to bring it up and then found out that their partner had the same fantasy," says Thorn. If you're nervous about it, ask if they'd be interested in checking out a particular book or workshop you heard about. Or just talk about it in the context of sexual fantasies by asking your partner if they've ever tried anything like BDSM or if they've ever wanted to. If you think about it, you're only risking one awkward conversation, and the payoff can be huge if this is something you want in your life.
     
     
    24. There is an immensely helpful list of kink-aware professionals so you can find a doctor or therapist who uniquely understands your lifestyle.Maybe you're worried that your gynecologist or your lawyer won't be sensitive to your lifestyle or doesn't allow you to feel comfortable talking about it. Check out the Kink Aware Professionals Directory from the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom to find someone who will be more accepting.
     
    25. Basically, it’s way different than most people expect.
    Between stereotypes, porn, and Fifty Shades of Grey, there's a lot of misconceptions about BDSM. Short of attending a workshop or visiting a dominatrix, the best way to learn more about it is to do some research. "Just like with regular sex, if you want to be good at it, you really have to learn about what's going on when this stuff is happening," says Brame.
     
    Source: BuzzFeed

  • 7 Things Guys Think About When You’re on Top

    7 Things Guys Think About When You’re on Top7 Things Guys Think About When Youre on Top pic

     
    "What should I do with my hands?"
     
     

    Have you ever been on top of a dude during sex and looked down to see that he’s in a moment of deep thought?

     Well, that's not unusual. Girl on top requires the least amount of physical effort on our end, freeing up the mind to wander a bit. It’s also one of the best positions to, you know, take it all in. While I have nothing against the other 35 positions, missionary definitely leaves a lot more to the imagination.
     
     
     Here are seven things guys think about when you’re ridin' dirty.
     
     
    1."This is a nice break." Lots of guys are likely to initiate the cowgirl move because they're winded, or on the brink of premature ejaculation. In either case, we need a moment to get it back together. On behalf of the male species, thank you for the breather.
     
    2."BOOBS!" No other position affords such amazing optical access.
     
    3."What should I do with my hands?" Being on the bottom leaves so many options: butt cheeks, clitoral play, your hair, grabbing your face to make out, hand holding… It's hard to choose!
     
    4."I could stay like this for days." Lazy sex is the best sex. You know it's true.
     
    5."Please don’t break my dick." It’s always in the back of our mind that something bad is going to happen while you're on top. One wrong move, and it's all over for our peen. (If this is making you want to Google "fractured penis," don’t. Just trust me.)
      
    6."I wish I had a camera right now." While you might argue that the angle from our perspective isn't super flattering, we beg to differ. And until Apple develops an iCloud with CIA-level security, we're going to use our mental camera and save this to our spank bank. Yeah, gross, but true.
     
    7."Alright—my turn again." A great sexual excursion includes a few positions, orgasms all around, and a celebratory sports drink (because hydration is key). 
     
    Even though we love you on top, when you’re ready for a change, we're totally game. Just point us in the right direction.
     
     
    Source: Womens Health Magazine/Scott Power

  • 7 Tips For First Time Swingers

     
     
    7 Tips For First Time Swingers pic

     

    7 Tips For First Time Swingers

     

    It’s believed that swinging, at least how we know of it today came into wider practice during the 1950’s in 

     

    America. Is it a coincidence that this coincided with the invention and subsequent availability of the 

     

    contraceptive pill? I think not. Suddenly, women could be solely responsible for their own sexual practices in 

     
    confidence. Swinging has gone on quite a journey, from keys in the punchbowl to apps and websites specifically 
     
    designed to find you someone to swing with. Below are my top tips for giving you that first push into swinging.
     
    1.     Firstly, talk. You and your partner both need to be on the same page when it comes to sexually socializing 
     
    with other people. You might want to suggest a book or film that involves swinging in some way. This will mean the 
     
    subject can be broached easily and skirted away from without question if they’re just not interested. If they seem 
     
    keen then the floor is yours. There are a lot of things that can go wrong if you haven’t first taken the time to 
     
    discuss each and every aspect with your partner. It’s important at this stage to monitor your emotional responses 
     
    to different scenarios, as jealousy is one of the main emotions swingers initially will have to deal with.
     
    2.     The next step is to start slowly. You don’t need to rush into anything straight away. The world of swinging 
     
    has been about for years and is growing ever more popular as time goes on. So don’t worry, it’s not going anywhere. 
     
    Do some research online together, look at reviews of the clubs near to you and get a feel for the swinging scene in 
     
    your area.
     
    3.     The next thing you need to do is to set some ground rules. Both you and your partner need to be very clear 
     
    from the word go about what it is you want from the experience. You may feel that foreplay is where the limits lie, 
     
    if something isn’t a yes from both of you then it’s a no no. This is the perfect way to make sure you understand 
     
    your partners desires and that they understand yours.
     
    4.     Next, you might want to log on to get turned on. The Internet is a wonderful place and with websites such as 
     
    Swing Towns you can browse potential playmates from the comfort of your own home. You can also create a profile 
     
    that is tailor made to attract the type of people you’re into, those with similar mindsets and feelings. This is 
     
    also a great way of testing the water with your partner and at this point if it doesn’t feel right or something’s 
     
    amiss you need simply to close your laptop rather than make an escape from a room full of swingers.
     
    5.     Once you’ve found your perfect playmate online you should plan a non-sexual meeting before you do the do. 
     
    This will give everyone a chance to know each other and for you to see how you feel face to face with your new 
     
    friends. Once again this is something you and your partner should talk about afterward, it’s a great opportunity 
     
    to appease any concerns either of you might have.
     
    6.     Swing with someone online.  Before you commit to a swingers club it’s a good idea to seal the deal after 
     
    sourcing someone online. This way your first time will be with someone handpicked by you and your partner meaning 
     
    that you’ve given your initial experience the best chance of being a fantastic one.
     
    7.     If everything has gone well and both you and your partner feel like the lifestyle is something you’re both 
     
    up for then visit a club. Initially, you might want to watch from the side lines, get to know people within the 
     
    community and just get a feel for larger scale events. You don’t need to dive in headfirst, but of course, you can 
     
    do if it feels right!
     
    If you feel like you might enjoy the lifestyle then there are bound to be some challenges you’ll have to face, but 
     
    rest assured more and more people are finding that traditional relationships can survive, nay, thrive within the 
     
    swinging lifestyle of sexual adventure.
     
    Source: Annabelle Knight 
    Annabelle is one of the most relevant experts when it comes to dating, sex, and relationships. She's a certified couples counselor.
     

  • 9 Things You Can Do Before Sex To Make It Even More Amazing

    9 Things You Can Do Before Sex To Make It Even More Amazing 9 Things You Can Do Before Sex To Make It Even More Amazing pic

     

     

    Some of the best sexual scenarios are spur of the moment. You know, the gotta-have-you-right-now throwdowns. But other sex situations give us a little more time to prepare—say you've got a hot date scheduled or a reunion with bae after too many days apart. To take advantage of that time in advance, we asked the experts exactly what you should do before sex to make it the best physical, mental, and emotional encounter it can be.

     
     
    9 THINGS YOU CAN DO BEFORE SEX TO MAKE IT EVEN MORE AMAZING 
     
     24 hours in advance
     
    1. GET IN THE MOOD.
    "Start thinking sexy thoughts and think about what’s going to turn you on," says Rachel Sussman, a licensed clinical social worker in New York City. Rather than focusing totally on what you're going to do to your partner, "start thinking about what is erotic to you," she says. (Add something extra to your sex life with the JimmyJane Form 8 vibe from the Women's Health Boutique.)
     
    2. Take care of any outstanding deadlines. 
     On a practical note, thinking sexy thoughts can be hard to do if you're stressed out about your to-do list. The day before your big night, tackle any nagging work deadlines and switch off. "This allows your mind to stop focusing on work lists and pivot towards pleasure," says Sari Cooper, director of the Center for Love and Sex and certified sex therapist and coach. If you're heading off for a romantic getaway, go ahead and change your email signature to reflect your offline status, she adds.
     
     3. GROOM AS YOU WISH.
    If you're a fan of below-the-belt grooming (like waxing or sugaring) make sure to head to the salon at least 24 hours before your big night. "When you wax this very sensitive area—especially when you get a Brazilian—there are micro-tears that can occur in the skin which can make you more susceptible to infection during sexual activity," says Leah Millheiser, M.D., a clinical assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Stanford.
     
    4. Start sexting. 
     Don't forget to clue your partner into your pre-romp excitement. "Check out a sexual position or activity that you have not tried yet and download a picture or save the link and send it to your partner," Cooper says. That will definitely have him or her counting down the minutes.
     
     
     12 hours in advance
     
     
    5. Eat frisky-friendly foods. 
     In addition to noshing on aphrodisiacs, you may also may want to stay away from foods that cause bloating or bad breath—sexy time saboteurs, Millheiser says. If that big lentil and bean salad are going to be on your mind (and causing gas in your intestines) later that evening, skip it at lunch. You also might want to pack a toothbrush or mouthwash if you're heading straight from the boardroom to the bedroom.
     
    6. Assess your wardrobe. 
     Ah, the age-old question: What should you wear? Reach for an outfit that will make you feel sexy, Cooper says. If the feel of silky lingerie gets you in the mood now is the time to bust out that slip dress.
     
     1 hour in advance
     
    7. Change your undies. 
     If you've been wearing your tried-and-true breathable cotton panties all day, now's the time to slip into your sexier skivvies, says Millheiser. Slipping into something that makes you feel confident can do wonders for your mental state, too.
     
    8. Leave work at work. 
     If you're coming from the office, it's helpful to shed your work self and cozy up to your sensual self, says Cooper. "This can be as easy as taking a shower,  changing one’s clothes, or lighting a certain candle." To kick it up a notch, take a few minutes to read or watch some erotica alone or with your partner, says Millheiser. "This can be a really great way to kick start your libido, especially at the end of a stressful work day."
     
     9. Om before you O. 
    .Right before getting your O on, Cooper suggests getting your Om on. "Sit down and use an app like Headspace to meditate and focus on your breath to fully relax, or play music that gets you in the mood." And as you start getting frisky, the best thing you can do is be present," says Sussman. "Try to focus on exactly what’s going on in front of you in that moment. It’s really an exercise in mindfulness."
     
    Now, what are you waiting for? Time to schedule your next epic sex sesh, STAT.
     
    Source: Womans Health Magazine 

  • Don’t freak out over U.S. travel warning about Cancún and Los Cabos. Here’s why.

    mexico flag1

    Don’t freak out over U.S. travel warning about Cancún and Los Cabos. Here’s why:

     
    AUGUST 24, 2017 
     

    The U.S. State Department’s new travel advisory warning Americans about the risks of traveling to Cancún and Los Cabos should not be taken too seriously. 

     
    Compared to some crime-ridden U.S. cities — or the deaths from recent U.S. mass shootings — these Mexican resorts look like safe havens.
     
    The Aug. 22 U.S. travel advisory added the two Mexican tourism resorts, which get millions of foreign tourists a year, to their list of dangerous places around the world. Quintana Roo and Baja California Sur, the states where Cancún and Los Cabos are respectively located, have seen a surge of shootings between rival criminal groups in recent months.
     
    In both cases, the State Department advisory says that “while most of these homicides appeared to be targeted, criminal organizations [and] turf battles between criminal groups have resulted in violent crime in areas frequented by U.S. citizens. Shooting incidents, in which innocent bystanders have been injured or killed, have occurred.”
     
    The warning came as foreign tourism to Mexico rose by 12 percent this year, including an 11 percent rise from the United States, according to Mexico’s Secretary of Tourism Enrique de la Madrid. About 60 percent of foreign visitors to the country come from the United States.
     
     Granted, homicides have risen sharply in Cancún and Los Cabos, and are rising across Mexico. A growing U.S. demand for heroin is leading to greater turf wars among drug cartels. Also, the extradition to the United States of drug kingpin Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman has triggered a bloody power war within his Sinaloa Cartel.
     
     Cancún’s state of Quintana Roo had 169 violent killings during the first six months of this year, up from 65 during the same period last year, according to Mexico’s National Public Security System. Los Cabos’ state of Baja California Sur reported nearly four times more slayings than last year during the same period.
     
    But when you compare these figures with homicide rates in major U.S. cities, they look small.
     
    While Cancún’s murder rate is 20 people per 100,000 inhabitants and Los Cabos’ is 14 people per 100,000 inhabitants, the equivalent rates for some big U.S.cities is significantly higher: 52 people per 100,000 inhabitants in Baltimore, 50 in Detroit and 20 in Washington, D.C., according to New York University’s Brennan Center for Justice figures.
     
    In numbers of murders, Quintana Roo’s 169 murders during the first half of this year were about half of Chicago’s 328 people killed over the same period, according to the Major Cities Chiefs Association, a professional association of police chiefs and sheriffs.
     
    The drug violence in Cancún and Los Cabos drew big headlines recently. There was a June 15 shooting in Cancún that left one dead and two wounded, and another shooting on Jan. 5 in nearby Playa del Carmen that left five people dead. And in Los Cabos this month, another violent incident left three people dead.
     
    Those are frightening events that deserve to be taken seriously. But they should also be put in context: If you are alarmed by these gang wars in public places that resulted in a handful of deaths, you should also remind yourself about the 49 people who died in last year’s mass shooting at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando.
     
    To their credit, Mexican officials didn’t go ballistic over the latest State Department travel advisory. Mexico’s Secretary of Tourism de la Madrid said his country sees it as a “wake-up call” for Mexico to be more effective in combating organized crime.
     
    As a frequent visitor to Cancún and the Riviera Maya cities, I am often asked by friends whether it’s safe for them or their children to travel there.
     
    Here’s what I tell them: No place is entirely safe, including any major U.S. city or any small town where a psychopath armed with an easily accessible semiautomatic gun can shoot down dozens of people. In almost any place today, you run the risk of being an innocent bystander caught in the wrong place. It’s just that the State Department doesn’t spell out dangers in U.S. cities. They should.
     
    Source: Miami Hearol/BY ANDRÉS OPPENHEIMER

  • My Wife And I Are Swingers: Here's What It's Actually Like

    My Wife And I Are Swingers: Here's What It's Actually Likemy wife and i are swingers pic

     

    My wife and I are a typical heterosexual couple, but we have a dirty secret: We're swingers. No, we don't twirl and flip to music from the 1940s; we meet other couples and have sex with each other's partners. Due to our conservative careers and even more conservative families, we keep our sexual practices to ourselves. Only a few close vanilla friends know what we're into ("vanilla" is the term swingers use to refer to anyone who isn't a swinger... and also other swingers who happen to be covered in vanilla).

     
    Here's what we've learned in the several years now that we've been "in the lifestyle" (that's the more subtle term swingers prefer):
     
     It Can Take Years Of Negotiating
     
    We were first were introduced to the lifestyle by two married friends, whom we'd found out from common friends' gossip had an open relationship. This couple was attracted to us, and they gradually revealed their interest via heavy flirting and questionable sexual contact whenever we'd hang out. Well, I should clarify: The flirting and contact came from only the husband. The wife was pretty ambivalent about me (probably because I'm just too awesome), and the husband was always a little more aggressive than my wife was ever comfortable with.
     
    Eventually, we realized they were into swinging because he really just wanted to fuck other women, and in an effort to preserve the marriage, she went along with it. That marriage lasted only a few years before she finally got fed up and divorced him. Yeah, I know, imagine that. She's in a new relationship now. 
     
    They are not swingers, and she's way happier than she ever was with her ex-husband. And that's kind of the point here.
     
    Due to this rocky introduction, we were initially hesitant to get into the scene. But the aforementioned couple did turn us on to websites like Kasidie and Lifestyle Lounge, where you can keep up with the scene and meet other couples (kind of like OKCupid, but for swingers). Through these sites, we found information on local mixers -- discreet get-togethers at bars, where swingers can meet each other and newbies can get their toes wet (stop giggling) in a chill setting.
     
    The veteran couples we met at these mixers were always welcoming and more than willing to offer us advice on getting started. And perhaps most importantly, they never pressured us into doing anything we weren't ready for. In fact, we soon realized the scene is all about asking before you initiate any sort of contact with someone. That was a welcome relief for us, especially after the pressure my wife had previously received from the aforementioned husband.
     
    Once-Popular Movies Genres Hollywood Doesn't Make Anymore
     
    As we met more and more couples who were understanding and patient, who were happy to stop the moment one of us hesitated, we realized that there are some truly good and decent people in the lifestyle. And as we got more comfortable, we started being willing to do more. That led us to three years' worth of conversations about how far we were willing to go, what exactly we were looking for within the scene, and above all else, how we were in this together. We didn't want to end up in a situation where one of us was like, "I'm bored. I'm going out fuck-hunting. If I get lucky, I'll see you tomorrow, loser!"
     
     Once we were comfortable with escalating, we realized...
     
     It Can Be Just As Awkward As A High School Dance
     
    After three years of dabbling in local mixers (without ever really hooking up with any other couples), we decided to take the next step: our first big out-of-town event. In Las Vegas, of course, because duh. This one was going to be a four-day takeover of an entire hotel, with over 1,000 swingers in attendance.As we were packing for the trip, we psyched ourselves up for what we were sure would be a massive 96-hour orgy of writhing bodies. We had another long discussion about how far we were willing to go ("Let's just go for it all" was our consensus this time), and we showed up with roughly every condom produced that year.
     
    Our fantasies were dashed pretty quickly. The first night, we walked into the venue and saw a bunch of people dressed in the sexiest attire we could imagine (think Vegas nightclub, but without any rules about indecent exposure). Everyone looked smoking hot, but we couldn't for the life of us figure out how to talk to anyone. As we walked around, we noticed that everyone seemed to be hanging out in their own cliques.
     
    We felt pretty awkward, but we soon realized that this is just natural human behavior. People gravitate toward those they already know. And when you throw in the strong likelihood that you're going to be exchanging fluids with them later on in the evening, then of course, you're going to be a bit more discriminating about who you're hanging out with.
     
    After two hours of hapless attempts to make eye contact and smile, we finally met a group who welcomed us into their circle. But even then, we soon realized that a get-together of swingers doesn't always end in a massive orgy. Sometimes people just want to catch up. The orgy with this group came the second night (seriously, stop giggling). The first night was mostly flirting.
     
    And that's the weird thing that I never expected: how often you end up hanging around, joking and chatting with each other. Because ultimately, these people are friends first (albeit friends who make each other sticky).
     
     "Swinger" Is A Broad Umbrella Term
     
    As we delved into the scene, we realized that every couple has their own specific interests. Some prefer to attend parties and participate in orgies (like my wife and me, as we soon realized). Some are more "introverted" (I know, it's a weird term in this situation), preferring to meet other couples through the lifestyle websites.
     
    Some couples will do everything but sex (soft swap). Other couples will have sex (full swap), but only if everyone is in the same room. Many couples get into the lifestyle because the woman realizes she is bisexual, so they're looking for couples where the women can play with each other, but the men are only involved with their own partners, which may sound complicated or even frustrating for the man, but really is far from something to complain about. And as we've mentioned before, there are "unicorns" -- single women who play with couples, so named because their rarity and allure are almost mythical.
     Then there are the fake swingers. These couples tend to be younger. They attend all the big events, and if there's a stripper pole in the room, you can bet they'll be the first ones on it. But when it comes down to the actual swinging, they're more into the exhibitionist aspect of the lifestyle and ultimately are not looking for sex with other couples.
     
    Since each couple sets their own boundaries, when we're out meeting other swingers, the first thing we have to figure out is what they're into. There are so many different levels of swinging that even people who've been in the lifestyle for decades can't keep track.
     
    For this reason...
     
     Your Communication And Trust Has To Be Perfect
     
    In case the three years of negotiations I mentioned didn't drive the point home, a lifestyle couple simply can't have any communication barriers. You have to trust each other 100 percent and be open with each other about everything. Imagine the level of trust you need to be able to tell your partner, "I'm really attracted to this person, and I'd like to have sex with them"... and then also feel comfortable that your partner won't slap you for saying that.
     
    As an example of that communication and trust, here's a story one couple we met early on shared with us: A massage parlor opened up near his work, and he had a sneaking suspicion it was one of those sketchy ones. He told her about it, so she laughed and replied, "Yeah, you go and check it out. Let me know how that goes." So he did. It did, in fact, turn out to be one of those massage parlors where you don't get just a massage. He opted for the "happy ending," but as he explained, it was by far the most mechanical, uncomfortable experience his penis had ever endured. He likened it to being in the grip of a jackhammer. But here's the best part: She thought it was hilarious, and they both still laugh about it to this day.
     
    Twisted as that may sound, there was something we found oddly admirable about a couple who could joke about something like this together. My wife and I agree that stories like this are a big part of what drew us into the scene -- the fact that couples are comfortable engaging in these silly sexcapades and telling each other about them. We've only been married a few years, but seriously, we now believe this is how you 1) make a marriage last, and 2) keep it exciting for decades to come.
     
    And once you have your communication and trust down pat, you realize that...
     
     You Still Have Standards
     
    Just because we're swingers doesn't mean that we'll fuck any random genitals that people whip out. But that's kind of the impression outsiders get, right? Even when we're ready for sex, we have to respect the other couples, and we definitely don't want to be the awkward aggressive one. So there ends up being a lot of "feeling each other out," so to speak. OK fine, you can giggle at that one.
     
     No matter how excited we get, we have to recognize when our partner is 1) uncomfortable with the person we're hooking up with, 2) uncomfortable with the person, they're supposed to be hooking up with, or 3) just plain not in the mood. A failure to do so is the surest way to jam a spiked butt plug into your relationship.
     
    In fact, this was something we noticed about our now-divorced friends. It didn't matter how clearly not into another couple she was, he would keep going and even berate her for not being in the mood. Remember how I mentioned that the wife was pretty ambivalent about me? That never stopped the husband from trying to hit on my wife. And in the end, that only made all three of us (my wife and I, as well as his wife) uncomfortable.
     

    The sad reality is, you'll often meet a couple where you are totally into your "counterpart," but your partner is not remotely attracted to theirs. Like maybe he looks like Richard Spencer or something. Or hell, maybe he is Richard Spencer. When that happens, you and your partner need to execute some covert negotiations in the heat of the moment. Because you don't want to be an asshole and say, "Sorry, dude. I like your wife, but my wife thinks you're grotesque."

     At this point, you either have to agree to call it off completely, or your partner has to be willing to "take one for the team." Yes, that is a legitimate lifestyle

    term... you may giggle.Now, for the record, some couples do appear to be okay with one partner calling it a night while the other partner keeps going. But most couples we've met are leery of this because it always smacks of those not-quite-on-the-same-page, not-so-tight couples. We're all out to have fun -- comfortable fun. And if any couple even hints of drama, well, there are plenty of other couples to hook up with.
     
    The Scene Is Surprisingly Empowering For Women
     
    We've talked before about how this lifestyle is predominantly driven by women, but I wanted to elaborate, because it's a huge part of what makes this work. Whether true or not, the societal stereotype of women being demure and men being walking boners is at least acknowledged in the swinger scene. And because there is this unspoken assumption that men are more into casual sex than women, experienced couples will often let the women take the lead. That is to say, a couple will move at a pace the woman feels comfortable with.
     
    Many of the events we attend start like any typical party, with everyone just hanging out (hehehehe) having drinks. As people loosen up, the women start dancing with each other, and at some point, that escalates into touching and kissing. Once they've sufficiently indulged their bisexual sides, only then will the men join in and everyone starts swapping. It just makes everyone so much more comfortable that way. If "reality porn" were honest, you'd skip the first five hours of it. (Sidenote: This dynamic does make it slightly more challenging to be a completely straight woman in the scene.)
     
     Plus, there's the fact that single men are simply not welcome in the scene. Every now and then, we do meet a male unicorn (not an actual term, because single males are so rare that an actual term is pretty much moot), but they're always there by personal invitation from a female event host only. Without fail, they are incredibly charming and incredibly good-looking, and even more notably, they are respectful and don't make unwanted advances. If anything, they're available for any interested women to approach. They're not there to hit on women themselves.
     
    The bottom line is, everyone gets creeped out by the inappropriately aggressive man. For the record, every now and then, we will run across an 
     inappropriately aggressive woman. In these cases, though, people get less creeped out and more eye-rolly.
     
    Put this all together, and it creates a comfortable environment for women to be sexually uninhibited and still fully in control.
     
     It Can Create Awkwardness With Your Friends
     
    Remember what I said about swingers being picky about who, when, and where they'll fuck? Well, that means something more when you consider that swinging is something we just do for fun every now and then. Just like how you and your significant other may decide to go out for a fancy dinner as a way to be romantic on a Saturday, my wife and I may decide to unleash a fuck storm as ours. Despite what the term "lifestyle" may imply, it doesn't actually consume our lives.
     
    Yet some people seem to think we're looking to fuck anyone, anytime, anywhere. The worst is the (invariably male) acquaintance who somehow finds out about our lifestyle and is just a tad too eager with his questions -- or worse, his touching. He finds out we're swingers, and all of a sudden he thinks it's okay to touch my wife in a sexual way without any invitation from her. At best, these acquaintances come across as desperate. At worst, they feel like the opening scene of a horror movie.
     
    Among our more tolerant (and less creepy) friends, though, awkwardness can occur too. Ever since my wife and I "came out" to our vanilla friends, most of they have accepted our lifestyle openly, and some have even been curious. Every now and then, though, we'll notice a slight physical discomfort with our presence -- like if I put my arm around a female friend, I may catch her recoiling or stiffening ever so slightly, as though she's suddenly uncomfortable with the mere thought of me touching her. My wife has noticed the same thing with a few of our male friends. It's a subtle difference in how they now respond to physical affection from us -- a physical affection that was always accepted warmly in the past.
     
    I guess it makes sense, though. Once you find out your friends are into stuff like this, it's easy to think, "Shit, he just put his arm around me. He's about to whip out his hog and take me on a tour of Hog City." The subtle recoils we get are reminders of the hurdles we ourselves had to overcome during our three-year journey to becoming swingers.
     
    Source: Cracked.com

  • My Wife And I Are Swingers: Here's What It's Actually Like

    my wife and i are swingers pic
     

    My Wife and I are Swingers,

     

    My wife and I are a typical heterosexual couple, but we have a dirty secret: We're swingers. No, we don't twirl and flip to music from the 1940s; we meet other couples and have sex with each other's partners. Due to our conservative careers and even more conservative families, we keep our sexual practices to ourselves. Only a few close vanilla friends know what we're into ("vanilla" is the term swingers use to refer to anyone who isn't a swinger... and also other swingers who happen to be covered in vanilla).

     
    Here's what we've learned in the several years now that we've been "in the lifestyle" (that's the more subtle term swingers prefer):
     
     It Can Take Years Of Negotiating
     
    We were first were introduced to the lifestyle by two married friends, whom we'd found out from common friends' gossip had an open relationship. This couple was attracted to us, and they gradually revealed their interest via heavy flirting and questionably sexual contact whenever we'd hang out. Well, I should clarify: The flirting and contact came from only the husband. The wife was pretty ambivalent about me (probably because I'm just too awesome), and the husband was always a little more aggressive than my wife was ever comfortable with.
     
    Eventually, we realized they were into swinging because he really just wanted to fuck other women, and in an effort to preserve the marriage, she went along with it. That marriage lasted only a few years before she finally got fed up and divorced him. Yeah, I know, imagine that. She's in a new relationship now. 
     
    They are not swingers, and she's way happier than she ever was with her ex-husband. And that's kind of the point here.Due to this rocky introduction, we were initially hesitant to get into the scene. But the aforementioned couple did turn us on to websites like Kasidie and Lifestyle Lounge, where you can keep up with the scene and meet other couples (kind of like OKCupid, but for swingers). Through these sites, we found 
     information on local mixers -- discreet get-togethers at bars, where swingers can meet each other and newbies can get their toes wet (stop giggling) in a chill setting.
     
    The veteran couples we met at these mixers were always welcoming and more than willing to offer us advice on getting started. And perhaps most importantly, they never pressured us into doing anything we weren't ready for. In fact, we soon realized the scene is all about asking before you initiate any sort of contact with someone. That was a welcome relief for us, especially after the pressure my wife had previously received from the aforementioned husband.
     
     Once-Popular Movies Genres Hollywood Doesn't Make Anymore
     
    As we met more and more couples who were understanding and patient, who were happy to stop the moment one of us hesitated, we realized that there are some truly good and decent people in the lifestyle. And as we got more comfortable, we started being willing to do more. That led us to three years' worth of conversations about how far we were willing to go, what exactly we were looking for within the scene, and above all else, how we were in this together. We didn't want to end up in a situation where one of us was like, "I'm bored. I'm going out fuck-hunting. If I get lucky, I'll see you tomorrow, loser!"
     
     
    Once we were comfortable with escalating, we realized...
     
     It Can Be Just As Awkward As A High School Dance
     
    After three years of dabbling in local mixers (without ever really hooking up with any other couples), we decided to take the next step: our first big out-of-town event. In Las Vegas, of course, because duh. This one was going to be a four-day takeover of an entire hotel, with over 1,000 swingers in attendance.As we were packing for the trip, we psyched ourselves up for what we were sure would be a massive 96-hour orgy of writhing bodies. We had another long discussion about how far we were willing to go ("Let's just go for it all" was our consensus this time), and we showed up with roughly every condom produced that year.
     
    Our fantasies were dashed pretty quickly. The first night, we walked into the venue and saw a bunch of people dressed in the sexiest attire we could imagine (think Vegas nightclub, but without any rules about indecent exposure). Everyone looked smoking hot, but we couldn't for the life of us figure out how to talk to anyone. As we walked around, we noticed that everyone seemed to be hanging out in their own cliques.
     
    We felt pretty awkward, but we soon realized that this is just natural human behavior. People gravitate toward those they already know. And when you throw in the strong likelihood that you're going to be exchanging fluids with them later on in the evening, then, of course, you're going to be a bit more discriminating about who you're hanging out with.
     
    After two hours of hapless attempts to make eye contact and smile, we finally met a group who welcomed us into their circle. But even then, we soon realized that a get-together of swingers doesn't always end in a massive orgy. Sometimes people just want to catch up. The orgy with this group came the second night (seriously, stop giggling). The first night was mostly flirting.And that's the weird thing that I never expected: how often you end up hanging around, joking and chatting with each other. Because ultimately, these people are friends first (albeit friends who make each other sticky).
     
     "Swinger" Is A Broad Umbrella Term
     
    As we delved into the scene, we realized that every couple has their own specific interests. Some prefer to attend parties and participate in orgies (like my wife and I, as we soon realized). Some are more "introverted" (I know, it's a weird term in this situation), preferring to meet other couples through the lifestyle websites.
     
    Some couples will do everything but sex (soft swap). Other couples will have sex (full swap), but only if everyone is in the same room. Many couples get into the lifestyle because the woman realizes she is bisexual, so they're looking for couples where the women can play with each other, but the men are only involved with their own partners, which may sound complicated or even frustrating for the man, but really is far from something to complain about. And as we've mentioned before, there are "unicorns" -- single women who play with couples, so named because their rarity and allure are almost mythical.
     
     Then there are the fake swingers. These couples tend to be younger. They attend all the big events, and if there's a stripper pole in the room, you can bet they'll be the first ones on it. But when it comes down to the actual swinging, they're more into the exhibitionist aspect of the lifestyle and ultimately are not looking for sex with other couples.
     
    Since each couple sets their own boundaries, when we're out meeting other swingers, the first thing we have to figure out is what they're into. There are so many different levels of swinging that even people who've been in the lifestyle for decades can't keep track.
     
    For this reason...
     
    Your Communication And Trust Has To Be Perfect
     
    In case the three years of negotiations I mentioned didn't drive the point home, a lifestyle couple simply can't have any communication barriers. You have to trust each other 100 percent and be open with each other about everything. Imagine the level of trust you need to be able to tell your partner, "I'm really attracted to this person, and I'd like to have sex with them"... and then also feel comfortable that your partner won't slap you for saying that.
     
    As an example of that communication and trust, here's a story one couple we met early on shared with us:A massage parlor opened up near his work, and he had a sneaking suspicion it was one of those sketchy ones. He told her about it, so she laughed and replied, "Yeah, you go and check it out. Let me know how that goes." So he did. It did, in fact, turn out to be one of those massage parlors where you don't get just a massage. He opted for the "happy ending," but as he explained, it was by far the most mechanical, uncomfortable experience his penis had ever endured. He likened it to being in the grip of a jackhammer. But here's the best part: She thought it was hilarious, and they both still laugh about it to this day.
     
    Twisted as that may sound, there was something we found oddly admirable about a couple who could joke about something like this together. My wife and I agree that stories like this are a big part of what drew us into the scene -- the fact that couples are comfortable engaging in these silly sexcapades and telling each other about them. We've only been married a few years, but seriously, we now believe this is how you 1) make a marriage last, and 2) keep it exciting for decades to come.
     
    And once you have your communication and trust down pat, you realize that...
     
    You Still Have Standards
     
    Just because we're swingers doesn't mean that we'll fuck any random genitals that people whip out. But that's kind of the impression outsiders get, right? Even when we're ready for sex, we have to respect the other couples, and we definitely don't want to be the awkward aggressive one. So there ends up being a lot of "feeling each other out," so to speak. OK fine, you can giggle at that one.No matter how excited we get, we have to recognize when our partner is 1) uncomfortable with the person we're hooking up with, 2) uncomfortable with the person, they're supposed to be hooking up with, or 3) just plain not in the mood. A failure to do so is the surest way to jam a spiked butt plug into your relationship.
     
    In fact, this was something we noticed about our now-divorced friends. It didn't matter how clearly not into another couple she was, he would keep going and even berate her for not being in the mood. Remember how I mentioned that the wife was pretty ambivalent about me? That never stopped the husband from trying to hit on my wife. And in the end, that only made all three of us (my wife and I, as well as his wife) uncomfortable.
     

    The sad reality is, you'll often meet a couple where you are totally into your "counterpart," but your partner is not remotely attracted to theirs. Like maybe he looks like Richard Spencer or something. Or hell, maybe he is Richard Spencer. When that happens, you and your partner need to execute some covert negotiations in the heat of the moment. Because you don't want to be an asshole and say, "Sorry, dude. I like your wife, but my wife thinks you're grotesque."At this point, you either have to agree to call it off completely, or your partner has to be willing to "take one for the team." Yes, that is a legitimate lifestyle term... you may giggle.

     Now, for the record, some couples do appear to be okay with one partner calling it a night while the other partner keeps going. But most couples we've met are leery of this because it always smacks of those not-quite-on-the-same-page, not-so-tight couples. We're all out to have fun -- comfortable fun. And if any couple even hints of drama, well, there are plenty of other couples to hook up with.
     
    The Scene Is Surprisingly Empowering For Women
     
    We've talked before about how this lifestyle is predominantly driven by women, but I wanted to elaborate because it's a huge part of what makes this work.Whether true or not, the societal stereotype of women being demure and men being walking boners is at least acknowledged in the swinger scene. And because there is this unspoken assumption that men are more into casual sex than women, experienced couples will often let the women take the lead. That is to say, a couple will move at a pace the woman feels comfortable with.
     
    Many of the events we attend start like any typical party, with everyone just hanging out (hehehehe) having drinks. As people loosen up, the women start dancing with each other, and at some point, that escalates into touching and kissing. Once they've sufficiently indulged their bisexual sides, only then will the men join in and everyone starts swapping. It just makes everyone so much more comfortable that way. If "reality porn" were honest, you'd skip the first five hours of it. (Sidenote: This dynamic does make it slightly more challenging to be a completely straight woman in the scene.)
     
     Plus, there's the fact that single men are simply not welcome in the scene. Every now and then, we do meet a male unicorn (not an actual term, because single males are so rare that an actual term is pretty much moot), but they're always there by personal invitation from a female event host only. Without fail, they are incredibly charming and incredibly good-looking, and even more notably, they are respectful and don't make unwanted advances. If anything, they're available for any interested women to approach. They're not there to hit on women themselves.
     

    The bottom line is, everyone gets creeped out by the inappropriately aggressive man. For the record, every now and then, we will run across an inappropriately

    aggressive woman. In these cases, though, people get less creeped out and more eye-rolly.
     
    Put this all together, and it creates a comfortable environment for women to be sexually uninhibited and still fully in control.
     
     It Can Create Awkwardness With Your Friends
     
    Remember what I said about swingers being picky about who, when, and where they'll fuck? Well, that means something more when you consider that swinging is something we just do for fun every now and then. Just like how you and your significant other may decide to go out for a fancy dinner as a way to be romantic on a Saturday, my wife and I may decide to unleash a fuck storm as ours. Despite what the term "lifestyle" may imply, it doesn't actually consume our lives.
     
    Yet some people seem to think we're looking to fuck anyone, anytime, anywhere. The worst is the (invariably male) acquaintance who somehow finds out about our lifestyle and is just a tad too eager with his questions -- or worse, his touching. He finds out we're swingers, and all of a sudden he thinks it's okay to touch my wife in a sexual way without any invitation from her. At best, these acquaintances come across as desperate. At worst, they feel like the opening scene of a horror movie.
     
    Among our more tolerant (and less creepy) friends, though, awkwardness can occur too. Ever since my wife and I "came out" to our vanilla friends, most of them have accepted our lifestyle openly, and some have even been curious. Every now and then, though, we'll notice a slight physical discomfort with our presence -- like if I put my arm around a female friend, I may catch her recoiling or stiffening ever so slightly, as though she's suddenly uncomfortable with the mere thought of me touching her. My wife has noticed the same thing with a few of our male friends. It's a subtle difference in how they now respond to physical affection from us -- physical affection that was always accepted warmly in the past.
     
    I guess it makes sense, though. Once you find out your friends are into stuff like this, it's easy to think, "Shit, he just put his arm around me. He's about to whip out his hog and take me on a tour of Hog City." The subtle recoils we get are reminders of the hurdles we ourselves had to overcome during our three-year journey to becoming swingers.
     
    Source: Cracked.com

  • My Wild Stay At A Swingers Resort (warning NSFW)

    my wild stay at a swingers

    My Wild Stay At A Swingers Resort (NSFW)

     
     

    Imagine the iconic "YMCA" dance. Only this version is being done by two women scissoring the letters in an ass-in-the-air performance on the side of a nude pool. Bathed by Jamaican sun, they laugh through their unorthodox, though spot-on, cheesy performance. These antics epitomize my recent stay at Hedonism II in Negril, Jamaica: fun, exposed, and full of girl power. Located on Negril’s famed Seven Mile Beach, Hedonism II is a spot where nudist, bisexual, heterosexual, and "lifestyle" folks (a.k.a. swingers) can live out their fantasies — however mild or wild they may be. As a sex-positive female, my booked-on-a-whim trip was a perfect fit. I had no idea how well I’d take to a nudist/lifestyle resort experience, though I suppose the writing was on the wall.

     
    My journey to this trip was complicated. I first discovered the power of my pussy on the fuzzy yellow bath mat in my parents' bathroom. There, I self-explored between ballet lessons, The Brady Bunch, and bedtime. I was 6 years old.
     
    Later, my fact-based sex education began as a preteen listening to Dr. Ruth’s late-night show on my Sony Walkman. A few years after that, I lost my virginity to a smooth-talking lacrosse player who tutored me in French (despite the fact that I was an honors student). When my mother found out I’d been deflowered, she called me a slut. My father was convinced I’d been raped. Neither would accept it was a consensual act nor did it spark any conversation about sex.
     
    In my early 20s, I engaged in a few bouts of clumsy college intercourse before I started to think that the only person capable of pleasing me was…me. Thus the purchase of my first vibrator at the age of 18. This gift from the Big O gods taught me a loud and clear message: Sexual pleasure meant power.
     
    Fast-forward to gigs managing the Personals & Promotions department at the Philadelphia Weekly and penning porn reviews for a major adult website. The more I talked about sex and my pursuit of satisfaction, the more I was shushed and shamed. Apparently, polite women don’t talk about sex, orgasms, or what they want between the sheets. Or so I was always led to believe.
    ADVERTISEMENT
     
    So I met my recent invite to Hedonism II with unabashed interest. “Hedonism II has always been a place where people can let their hair down and have adult fun in a safe, sensual, protected environment,” said managing director Kevin Levee. The resort’s “Be Wicked for a Week” tagline and scantily clad web imagery present themselves as every hot-blooded guy’s wet dream. After visiting, this anything-goes mentality does ring true — for both sexes. Though when stripped down, the Hedonism II experience is all about the women.
     
    Prior to my trip, the most common question from my female friends was, "Are you going to get waxed?" A few wanted to know if I’d have my period. Guys wanted to know: "Are you going to have sex?" As a fish-belly-white Seattleite, I had more important concerns, like SPF and sun exposure.
     
    Still, I packed flimsy, lacy things, pink LED light-up pasties, and my vibrator for any moments wanting of instant gratification. More importantly, I did my homework (AdultTravelForum.com was particularly helpful) and kept an open mind.
    “
    THE MORE I TALKED ABOUT SEX AND MY PURSUIT OF SATISFACTION, THE MORE I WAS SHUSHED AND SHAMED. APPARENTLY, POLITE WOMEN DON’T TALK ABOUT SEX, ORGASMS, OR WHAT THEY WANT BETWEEN THE SHEETS.
    ”
    My first night on the property, I sexed it up in a see-through, black teddy for the Leather & Lingerie Night and stumbled into an exotic dance show at Club Hurricane. The event was part of a private birthday bash that brought its own entertainment: Ginuwine’s “Pony” and a stripper with plentiful tits and ass undulating on the floor. As she grinded up against male and female audience members, her body was showered with fistfuls of dollar bills.
     
    The next performer doubled down, revealing herself to have a flashlight tucked in her vagina. She teased one man on the floor with a close-up of her, um, unique skillset. Raw, powerful, and raunchy, these women owned their sexuality and exuded confidence. To quote Beyoncé: “Who run this mother? Girls (girls).” Yes, indeed.
     
     
    Later that night, in the nude hot tub, I met Trish, a successful woman in real estate. She and her husband first came to Hedonism II for their 20th anniversary. They’d been back six of the last eight years. As he evangelized the benefits of joining a group (the resort attracts large groups of like-minded guests, with events like Young Swingers Week), it slipped that Trish was bisexual. “Too much information,” the mother of two snapped. Her husband warned of creepy single guys jacking off. (I didn’t spy any offenders.) 
     
    Nightly theme parties enabled guests to strut their stuff, though participation certainly wasn’t required. Costumes ranged from leather breast harnesses for Fetish Fantasy night to a Katy Perry-esque LED light-up rainbow tutu for Rocking Rock Stars night. As a former Philly gal, a cropped Eagles David Akers Jersey paired with a five-inch mini skirt, knee-high socks, and green glitter platform heels stole my NFL-loving heart. Butt floss on bodies of all sizes was not uncommon.
     
    During Rock Star Night, a Jon Bon Jovi double tried to cop a feel of an entertainment coordinator’s breasts. Sure, the "X"s superimposed on the woman’s skintight tee was appealing — but his grabby advances were not. “Your hands are too big,” she scolded. The wannabe mega-star scurried away.
     
    “It’s very important for ladies to feel comfortable,” said Levee. “Anyone who interferes with that comfort may get the first warning, but will most likely be asked to leave.”
     
    Public group sex is also fairly common at Hedonism. One afternoon, on the Tortuga Catamaran (an activity booked through the tour desk), one woman got fingered, while her friend received slow, deliberate oral sex. The third had a hungry mouth on her breasts. After all three were happily finished, the group of women got up, bent over the boat’s railing, and lifted their asses in the air triumphantly.
     
    As I watched them, I chatted with another guest, a woman who decided to come to Hedonism II despite a recent split. The voluptuous woman seemed to be doing alright in the rebound department, reclining next to a handsome, lean Jamaican man. Then, a booty-shaking twerking demo broke out as Miley Cyrus’ “Party in the USA” blared on the speakers. I reveled in the openness and awesomeness of the moment.
     
    Another afternoon, I was floating on a raft in the ocean when my gaze wandered to a lithe brunette planted on the edge of her patio Jacuzzi, knees splayed wide apart. One guy was deep between her thighs. After a few minutes, he gently moved to her mouth while another guy took over. Then, a third male moved in. This woman ruled the picture, the ultimate recipient of all pleasure.
     
    Was I hit on during my stay? Yes, but it was always done with deference. Even in a clothing-optional, sexually charged, drug- and booze-fueled environment, I never saw any suspicious behavior or felt unsafe. Security staff was ever-present.
     
    During the last breaths of dusk on my last night, I sipped Champagne while staring at the sea from my ground-floor room when a middle-aged couple walked by.
     
    “Hey, I see nakedness!” the trim blonde laughed before bending over, showing off her below-the-belt goods, and walking away, flashing the most mischievous of smiles. The moment could not have been more picture-perfect. 
     
    I’ve traveled the world as a journalist, but in its own way, this tropical playground was one of the most powerful celebrations of women I’ve ever seen — and I’m counting down the days until I can return.
     
    Source: CHARYN PFEUFFER Author and World Travel.

  • Swingers…A Secret “Taboo” Community

    SwingersA Secret Taboo Community pic

    Swingers…A Secret “Taboo” Community

     

    Swingers, a taboo community of people that participate in non-monogamous sexual activities. What does this mean? Basically, these individuals don’t mind 

     
    sharing their partner for casual sex without any emotional commitment. Swinger couples, many times married, have casual sex with other couples, whereby they 
     
    swap partners. You would be surprised by how many people are actually members of this “secret” community.
     
    The Average Swinger Profile
     
    Swingers facts:
    swingers infographic
     
     
    Swingers are people from literally ALL WALKS OF LIFE: doctors, nurses, business professionals, teachers, architects, marines/military personnel, parents, 
     
    grandparents (yup), your cable guy, mailman, electrician, plumber, etc.
    The swinging community is much larger than your think. The majority of these couples are in fact married an average of 10.5 years. Interestingly, according 
     
    to research by McGinley (1995), 15% of U.S. couples have joined the swinging community. According to Cole and Spaniard (1974), 1.7 percent of their sample 
     
    participated in swinging-related activities at least once in their life.
    The average swinger is white, middle-aged (average 39 years old), middle/upper class, and college educated (at least 2 years of college). Women typically 
     
    begin swinging after age 25; men after 30. Therefore, the “golden age” of swinging according to Fabio D’Orlando’s Swinger Economics research is 25-45 for 
     
    women, and 30-50 for men.
    Single swingers in the community may also participate in the action through threesomes (for men cuckholds and hotwifing). I explained these terms/practices 
     
    in my previous post titled Intro to Fetishes and Sexual Paraphilia.
    Through this, they are able to participate in fantasy fulfillment of the couple, while engaging in non-committing sex (WIN-WIN).
    Swinging Practices
     
    Swingers come in all shapes and sizes.
    Yes, literally and in terms of their hook-up “rules”. Now, what do I mean by that? In the literal sense, there are young and hot swingers, and then there are 
     
    older, not-so-hot swingers. In terms of their swinging practices, many times, couples start out in the “lifestyle” (yes, that’s another term for people in 
     
    the swinging community), with voyeuristic/exhibitionistic activities (they watch other people have sex and get off on other people watching them have sex).
     
    Taking it a step further, some swinging couples only do “soft swap”, that means that they only make out and participate in oral intercourse with other 
     
    couples, no vaginal/penile penetration. They save the best for their partner.
     
    Other couples are “full swap”, pretty self-explanatory. However, this category of couples is further divided into three groups, same room, separate room, and 
     
    playing completely separately. Whaaatttttt? Well, some couples prefer the “4-some” experience and get off on watching their partner having intercourse with 
     
    another person. Some couples would prefer to “play” in separate rooms, but all in one vicinity. For the longest time, I have tried to figure out why couples 
     
    would prefer separate rooms. I have come up with some possible reasons: a) to prevent jealousy related emotions b) for concentration purposes (it helps them 
     
    focus…sometimes men experience visual overload and have a hard time getting hard/staying hard) c) they prefer one-on-one intimacy.
     
    Now some couples, play completely separately, meaning that they have sex with other people on the side, WITH their partner’s knowledge, yet maintain their 
     
    main, committed relationship. Mind blown!
     
    But Why??
     
    Well, the majority of surveyed swinging couples state that the reason for their choice of an alternative lifestyle is to spice up their sex life and their 
     
    social life. According to data presented by Blevins-Williams & Bergstrand (2000), 62.6% of swingers revealed that swinging improved their 
     
    marriage/relationship. Among the couples who stated their marriages were “unhappy” prior to swinging, 90.4% said their relationships improved after swinging.
     
    Swinger individuals/couples explain that the lifestyle adds excitement to their lives, improving their social lives and their sex lives as they interact with 
     
    other like-minded individuals. Basically, they do it, because it’s fun! It’s just recreational sex, they save the more intimate love-making moment for their 
     
    significant others.
     
    Interested in exploring what the swinging lifestyle community has to offer? Join the Swinging Lifestyle Community to find singles and couples in your area to 
     
    explore your sexuality with.
     
    Source:Marlene Salerno Modern & Bliss 

  • The Ultimate Guide to Burning Man 2017

    The ultimate guide to Burning Man 2017 picThe Ultimate Guide to Burning Man 2017

     

    These are the high ideals; it can also be an opportunity to get naked, dance like a person possessed, and take some Instagram selfies perched on top of a sculpture made out of trucks melted together.

     
    How to get tickets for Burning Man 2017
     
    If you haven’t got one now, you’re in trouble. Tickets sold out months ago — the main ticket sale usually opens in January and sells out within a few hours. You still have a chance to register for the OMG Sale as long as you do it before noon PDT on July 28 — the OMG sale is on August 2nd. Otherwise, check ePlaya for threads of tickets offered or post your sob story under “Tickets Wanted.” Don’t buy tickets off Craiglist; most of the time they are either scalpers selling for way over face value (against the ideals of the event) or scammers (the ticket you buy may have come from a pile of deleted numbers, which means you might get to Gate and have your ticket register as invalid). Your best bet is to ask around among people you know might be going.
     
    How to get to Black Rock City
     
    The easiest and lowest-cost way is to drive yourself. This way, you have space to bring as many supplies as you can fit: your camping equipment, your clothing, and all the reusable items you need to make the experience as low-waste to no-waste as possible. Driving has a lower carbon footprint than plane travel; however, keep in mind that the roads you take to get to Burning Man are narrow and heavily-traveled by long-distance truckers. You may be sleep-deprived going in or out, and there is no pulling over on the side of highway 447. Traffic is also very congested in and around Black Rock City before and after the event, as 70,000 people travel on a remote country highway designed for occasional truck traffic.
     
    You can also fly in. This usually means catching a flight to Reno and finding some kind of transportation to the event from there. You have multiple options: you can ride share with someone who has a car and wants to reduce their gas costs by bringing in other participants (check the ePlaya rideshare board); you can rent a car from any of the usual car rental agencies, or you could take a transit service.
     
    There are two bus services operating rides to Burning Man: the Burner Express, which is a shuttle service provided by the event for people traveling from San Francisco or Reno; and the Green Tortoise. The Burner Express has been provided by the organization in an effort to reduce the carbon footprint; they are aware that tens of thousands of individual cars flooding the area with exhaust does nothing for the environment and are trying to encourage public transit by offering a chance to skip the lines. Burner Express only allows two bags (and a bike add-on, if you pay extra) and bypasses normal Gate traffic, which saves you easily 8-12 hours of waiting in line. The Green Tortoise is a package deal; for a larger fee, they offer a spot in their camp, transport from San Francisco or Reno, and meals. Green Tortoise does not get access to the special bus access lane, so you sit in line with everyone else.
     
    Burner Express and a few other services offer private flights to the Black Rock City Airport. For a much larger fee, you can really skip the lines and fly direct from small airports in Nevada and California, bringing a very small amount of luggage. If you have a friend who’s a pilot and has a ticket, you might be able to coerce them into flying there and taking you, which will save you a bundle. Be warned, though: I have a friend who’s a professional pilot, and he says that the downdrafts of the dry lake bed make it a very difficult takeoff and landing, so expect some bumps.
     
    Where to stay
     
    At Burning Man, life is much easier if you stay within a larger, organized camp. Some theme camps are still looking for members, so check the ePlaya listings for options. A ticket is not included, but you will have an infrastructure and a place to stay (you will need to bring your tent, but generally, the kitchen, shade cloth, storage, and water situation will be dealt with.) Many camps charge member dues, and it would be swell of you to be there for either set-up or tear-down. You get extra mega bonus points if you do both, and will probably be invited back with a red-carpet rollout for the following year.
     
    If you can’t find a camp, there’s always open camping. Areas of the city are designated as available to anyone who wants to plunk down a tent, and you don’t have to ask permission — these areas are clearly labeled on the map you receive in your booklet when you go through the Gate. You will meet new friends no matter where you camp, but you may need to rely on your neighbors more if you’re in open camping, since you don’t have an existing infrastructure to help you out.
     
     
    What to bring and not bring
     
    First, bring your ticket. If you don’t have a ticket, you cannot wait at Gate for your friend to bring it to you. You cannot buy one at the entry point or see if anyone hasn’t claimed their Will Call ticket. The only thing that happens is that you must return to Reno. Whoever’s car you have come in will have to turn around and take you back because they are not legally allowed to drive away and leave you at Gate; even if you just met a few hours ago in the airport. Your action (or inaction) will leave you in the literal dust. You cannot wait in Gerlach (the closest town) because there is nowhere for you to stay.
     
    The other things you bring depend on how you want to do the event. I have never brought an RV, but I know many people who won’t go without one. I have never brought (or even really taken) a shower, but many Burners take one everyday. I never have problems with my feet, so closed-toe boots and vinegar for foot washes are never on my list, but I hear that some people have problems with the alkaline dust. I have even done the event without a bike, walking everywhere and hitching rides on art cars. I do recommend that you bring or have access to shade cloth and some way to boil water, since both of these things will make your stay much more pleasant — a cup of noodles at 11 PM is sometimes the best thing you can imagine, and having a nap when the sun is beating down might be even better.
     
    Some things I would certainly never go without are:
     
    Wipes (you can pack some small wet cloth in zip lock bags and stick them in your cooler)
    Goggles (with switchable night-time lenses for whiteouts at night)
    A bandana
    Sturdy rather than stylish shoes (as Burners say, “Your costume ends at the ankles.”)
    Enough food and water to support yourself
    A positive helpful attitude
    You’ve probably heard of the gift economy already. Don’t take little trinkets from the dollar store; the event is leave-no-trace, so handing out knick-knacks is actually worse than giving nothing tangible at all. Offer assistance, sunscreen, spare tissues or wipes, or whatever else you might be good at. I personally don’t drink or engage in recreational substances, but I hear that bringing some alcohol to share with other people is often well-received. Also, bring a cup, so you can get some gift drinks of your own. If you want a generalized packing list, there’s one here.
     
    What not to bring is a longer list, especially if you’re aspiring to be environmentally responsible. Burning Man is a catastrophe in terms of environmental impact: thousands of people drive individual cars into a remote desert, hauling a bunch of machinery and equipment, burn a lot of stuff using wicked accelerants, and pack out a ton of trash. The roads are littered with debris after the event is over, either from improperly secured recycling bags on the back of trailers or from people who thought the highway was a dumping ground and left their week of accumulated garbage for someone else to clean. First on this list should be: DON’T bring individual plastic water bottles. Get your water for the week in 5-gallon or 10-gallon jugs if possible. Individual plastic bottles are a pain to pack out and recycle, and a terrible waste of resources. If you leave on Monday afternoon, you will see flats of unopened water bottles abandoned by camps.
     
    What to do and not to do
     
    There is so much to do at Burning Man that two things are true: one, you will always find something amazing to occupy yourself, and two, you will never see everything. Every year after the event, I see people’s pictures and marvel at the truly enormous pieces of art that I didn’t even know existed. My friend Sky and I biked around the very edges of the city one year and there were whole camp setups I’d never heard of, with people who never went into the center (where everyone claims everything is happening). It was an entirely different Burn for them vs. people who spent every day on the Esplanade or following the art placement map. If you keep in mind that you will simultaneously be enjoying yourself and suffering from FOMO, you’ll be fine.
     
    Try to have no expectations for the kind of experience you want to have. You’ve heard a lot of stories about this event. You probably looked at a lot of pictures and read the survival guide (if you didn’t, you should). You know people say to fall in love WITH Burning Man, not AT Burning Man. But you’re probably harboring all kinds of thoughts: meeting new friends, meeting new sex partners, taking some drugs and dancing under the moon, weathering a dust storm with kindred spirits. Those may happen…but they are not guaranteed, and you may not enjoy the outcomes. Sometimes you get a double rainbow after a short cloudburst on the playa, and sometimes you get a fourteen-hour wait to enter because it keeps raining and nobody can drive their cars or bikes as long as the ground is wet. It’s best to have expectations only about things you can marginally control: what you wear, where you go, what you eat when you sleep.
     
    Generally, don’t be a jerk. Don’t take what isn’t offered, always ask for consent, and be prepared for an overwhelming attitude of low sarcasm and high sincerity. People are prepared to have weird experiences at Burning Man, and almost everyone is friendly and willing to talk. Don’t take pictures of naked people without asking. Spend some time in Center Camp just to see what all the fuss is about, but try to avoid buying coffee if you can. It’s nice to avoid money for a week. Try to make dates to see your friends who will be at Burning Man before you go, with the knowledge that probably none of you will have watches and everybody will be distracted, so you may never see the people you want to see. I count it as a miracle if I manage to find people in my own camp consistently. Don’t be afraid to use medical services if you need them. And the usual: eat, pee, drink water, sleep. Don’t get so distracted by everything around you that you forget to pace yourself and collapse by the end of the week. Try not to have too many nights of staying up to watch the sun rise, although the loud music generally fades away before dawn. Be open to everything, especially the fragile amazing desert, washes, and mountains around you. They will remind you that you are only a temporary guest.
     
     
    Further notes on reducing trash
     
    It bears repeating: Burning Man is a leave-no-trace event. Pack it in, pack it out. The problem is that most people bring way too much stuff. I saw another article somewhere that listed the author’s costuming expenses at $500…that is way, way too many costumes. It’s only a week and you can’t bring anything with feathers or glitter because it falls off, turns into MOOP (matter out of place), and needs to be picked up. Most of the stuff that people buy especially for this event is nonreusable, cheap garbage which often just ends up junked when you can’t get the dust off it. Don’t buy a bunch of disposable camp equipment with the idea that you’ll throw it in the trash (or donate it to a secondhand store in Reno — Goodwill does not want your super dusty broken armchair).
     
    Try to bring reusable supplies wherever possible. Get good quality headlamps instead of cheap ones that break, and try to pitch in or trade with other people whenever possible. The Kiwanis Club of Reno has a bike reservation program: $50 and you pick up a bike from them at their volunteer-run location before the event, and you can drop it back off afterward. You could also take it with you if you want; they only ask you not abandon it on the playa. Trader Joe’s and Wal-Mart in Reno also frequently take back unopened food and water starting the final Sunday of the event. If you have a lot of things you want to get rid of, check out this excellent local list of organizations that will take donations. Homeless shelters and soup kitchens would love your (functional, undamaged) items to give to their recipients.
     
    The more you plan, the less waste you have. Don’t leave things until the last-minute and assume the playa will provide. Radical self-reliance starts at home. Bring reusable water bottles that can double as coffee cups. Leave food in the sun to dry out and burn it in the burn barrels scattered around the city. Carpool or take as much public transit as possible and encourage friends to do the same. Pooling our resources and relying on the community is not just the best way to build an amazing and enjoyable event, it’s also better for the future of our planet. 
     
    Source: Matador Network 

  • What Straight Couples can Learn from Gay Couples.

     

    What Straight Couples can Learn from Gay Couples.

    When I embarked on the seven-year journey that would result in a trilogy of comedy shows and my first book, I had no idea what a huge part sexual orientation would play.

     
    Yes, I'm a lesbian and that has influenced much of how I've socialized and dated for the 20 years or so since I came out. Yet, as I talked to more and more LGBT people 

    gay advice

    - particularly those a little older than me who had experienced way more discrimination - I realised that being forced to think 'outside the box' around the concepts of love and family had resulted in some very self-aware, savvy and compassionate strategies for coping with the complexities of human relationships.
     
    While I welcome the progressive legal changes that have seen a huge rise in acceptance for LGBT people, I worry that a blanket assumption that we all aspire to marry, have children and be 'normal' means that we might lose sight of some of the very best of these pioneering ideas.
     
    Open relationships can be incredibly successful. Gay men fairly typically negotiate sexually open partnerships and have done for many decades. However, what is less widely-reported is just how good they are at remaining emotionally faithful to a primary partner. Their separation rates are the lowest of any section of society. Figures from 2013, from the Office of National Statistics, showed that civil partnership dissolution rates were twice as high for female couples as they were for the male. While early divorce statistics in the UK evidence that ratio increased further still.
     
    So what are the relationships lessons straight couples can learn from the gay community?
     
    1. An ex can be a best friend
     
    Long before American author and family therapist Katherine Woodward Thomas devised the phrase 'conscious uncoupling' and Gwyneth Paltrow made it famous, lesbians were the godmothers of the concept of compassionate endings.
     
    Recently, Dr Jane Traies conducted the first comprehensive study of older lesbians in the UK. She told me, "It's not uncommon for a lesbian's ex-partner to be her best friend." She described one couple, now in their seventies, one of who had previously been in a straight marriage. The other had always been openly gay and had many more significant exes, who they would regularly spend time with. The central relationship seemed to be richly rewarded by having this framework of other ongoing connections supporting it.
     
    2. 'Living Apart Together' can be great 
     
    Although the idea of 'LAT' couples is now more widely discussed, it was the LGBT community who originally piloted this idea. As my friend, the gay poet Dominic Berry, points out, "Perhaps if people are doing something widely viewed as deviant, making another deviance from the norm isn't too big a jump." 
     
    A lot of the automatic assumptions that are made about relationships - that you must get married, be monogamous, have children, move in together - have been cheerfully dispensed with. In many cases, an alternative romantic framework suited the individuals in the relationship much better.
     
    Some straight couples can be reluctant to talk openly about sexuality
     
    3. Talking about love, desire and sex is good 
     
    When I conducted a survey for my comedy show, I asked respondents if they actually discussed sex and fidelity with a partner. One straight woman wrote, 'Good lord no! It's one thing to do the deed but we're too uptight to actually talk about it. Thank goodness.'
     
    My gay friends, by contrast, tend to have spent so many years agonizing about their sexual identity that discussion of it with friends and families has been essential as part of the 'coming out' process. In many cases, this had lead to a readiness to air other really important questions around desires, boundaries, and consent once they were in an adult relationship.
     
    4. 'Family' doesn't have to mean blood 
     
    When I arrived in London as a young student in the Nineties, the LGBT community provided me with the strongest sense of belonging I have ever experienced.
     
    In the face of prejudice and discrimination, gay people historically partied hard together and took more care of one another within the bubble of separatism. They cultivated a concept of 'friends as family', something the writer Armistead Maupin refers to as 'logical family'.
     
    5. Love isn't like it is in the movies
     
    Because films depicting same-sex relationships have generally been far-removed from the sugary rom-com ideal, gay people are more pragmatic and realistic about the extreme challenges of falling in and out of love and staying together.
     
    In 2017, we may not be facing quite as much adversity as the characters depicted in Carol or Brokeback Mountain, but we know that the 'fairy tale' romance is a load of old hokum.
     
    6. Rules are made to be broken
     
    When the activist group Gay Liberation Front formed in the early Seventies, they gleefully celebrated their difference from the oppressive, beige 'norms' that most of the society were having to follow. This resulted in an inclusive, embracing atmosphere and a sense of fun and freedom for anyone who wanted to reinvent and rethink traditional relationships and try out different models of being together. 
     
    Source: The Telegraph

  • What you need to know about Swinging.

     
    Aug 10, 2017
     
    New2swing
     
    Hey, everybody’s got their thing.  Plus, it’s 2017 and we’ve finally figured out that monogamy isn’t for everybody.  If you’re a new time swinger or are flirting around with the idea, here’s what you need to know to have a swinging time!
     
     Swingers (swĭng′ər) is a couple, usually a married couple, who exchanges partners in the bedroom.
     
    The number one rule to swinging is that each partner has FULL KNOWLEDGE AND CONSENT of the activity.
     
    Don’t be ashamed if your partner asks you if you’re into swinging - it's been done for centuries. The ancient Romans and Greeks partook in this activity.
     
     
    And swinging was also very popular during the “flower power” era with the hippies in the ‘70s.
     
    It’s said that swinging was brought to the U.S. during WWII when wealthy air force pilots would bring their wives with them to base, and, since the couples become very close very quickly, it was normal to “wife-swap.”
     
    There are different types of swinging. For instance, there is exhibitionism, which is doing the deed while someone watches, and voyeurism, which is the couple watching the others do the deed.
     
     
    There is also soft swap, which is swapping mates, but not going all the way. In other words, swinging to do the other fun stuff, but saving the pregnancy scares for the committed couple to deal with.
     
    Some couples are into extreme measures, which is when you up the swinging game with bedroom toys, bondage, etc. This is not as common but is sometimes done when swing parties have a theme.
     
    If you want to have a themed swinger’s party, make sure you specifically say so in the invite. Communication is very important.
     
     
    Swingers view the bedroom activity very differently when they swing than when they're home with their S.O. Many swingers are happily married couples but like to do the deed as a sort of game with others.
     
    According to relationship therapists, men tend to be the ones who suggest swinging, but it’s the women who end up enjoying it most.
     
    Swingers are not polyamorous. Being polyamorous means having multiple relationships at one time. Swingers have one relationship but will indulge in bedroom fun with others, yet still keeping their heart for one person.
     
     
    Studies have been done, but there is no scientific reason why people like to swing. Surveys showed none had any history of abuse or any other special psychological profile.
     
    Swingers claim that indulging in this eradicates jealousy in the relationship, and makes infidelity less likely since they are open about having multiple bedroom partners.
     
    Online has made swinging, finding swingers clubs, and events a lot easier.
     
    What do you think about Swinging?
     
    Source: Rebel Circus
     
     
     
     

  • When do you let your freak flag fly?

    So You’re in a New Relationship: When do you let your freak flag fly?

     
    When do you let your freak flag fly pic

     I realize that dating is difficult and new relationships are hard to navigate. Sex related matters may further complicate relationships, especially when dealing with a more conservative type of individual. You must keep in mind that not everyone is as open about sex as me and the greater majority of society maintains their sex lives as private.

     
    As you may know ot.not know, I occasionally reach out to my social media followers for topic ideas. During my last topic research quest, I spoke with a gentleman with an arsenal of questions, one of which really caught my attention:
     
    “When you’re in a new relationship, how long should you wait before you let your freak out?”
     
     
    So what do you do if you’re naturally pretty freaky?
     
    Tough question my dear. You see, personally, I don’t like to waste time, either my own or my partner’s. However, I’m not your typical gal and I’m not what you would call “conventional”. I promote being sexually open about your kinks and sexual preferences from the start.
     
    This can be difficult for individuals who are ashamed or embarrassed about their freakiness, those who are shy in nature or uncomfortable discussing sex, and those among us that are just beginning to explore their sexualities. 
     
    When you add another person into the mix, things can get complicated. 
    Sometimes you just gotta feel the person out, trust your gut, and/or wing it. I mean what do you have to lose besides the potential love of your life? Just kidding! The relationship will probably not work anyway if you have to keep your freakiness a secret or if your partner doesn’t accept your kinky needs.
     
    My best advice to those of you that are currently struggling with this issue is to casually break the news after the 3rd date or so. The first date is usually pretty uncomfortable. You chit chat about surface issues in an attempt to get to know the person and determine if he/she is a good fit. During the second date, you dig deeper and may dive into some more personal issues, maybe you even kiss! Woah! By the third date, hopefully, you have gotten to know the person well enough to determine whether or not he/she can handle the news or if he/she is worthy of your sexiness (sorry, gotta lol here).
     
    How do you break the news? I know it sounds dramatic.
     
    METHOD 1:
     
    Luckily, ladies and gentleman, we have other means of communication outside the regular face to face meet ups, which means you can slowly begin discussing sexual matters via social media or text to save face.kinky
     
    You could also just throw it out there in person and hope for the best. However, I would save this as step two only after mentioning a few things here and there via text/social media. With the hope that you’re still in the game and you get the impression that your partner is down for some freakiness, you may now slowly raise your freak flag when you get your chance to be intimate. When I say “slowly”, I mean tone your kink down a few levels the first couple times. Once you feel comfortable with your partner and believe they’re ready for full blown freak, just let it out my friend.
     
    Always: Use your best judgment.
     
     
    Method 2:
     
    This technique is a tad more natural as you just go with the flow of the sexual relationship. Here you’re basically skipping the chit chat and slowly incorporating your kinkiness into intimate moments.For example: Let’s say you’re a sadist, meaning you get turned on by inflicting pain upon others. What you would do is begin slow, so maybe you gently bite your partner’s lip, gently pull their hair or nibble on their nipples. 
     
    Carefully monitor your partner’s reactions. Then the next time just do the same but try a tad harder. Again, monitor your partner’s reactions. Maybe this time discuss whether he/she enjoyed it. If so, you can take it further and maybe include some spankings. Then you just take it from there depending on your level of sadistic desires.spanking
     
    Another example: You’ve got a foot fetish; feet turn you on. You can slowly begin to break the news to your partner by making subtle comments such as, “Oh did you get a pedicure? I love the color” or something like, “I just love your feet, they’re so sexy”. When you become intimate, slowly kiss down their leg until you get to the toes and only kiss them. Monitor his/her reactions. Next time you do the same and you can incorporate some toe sucking. 
     
    Again, monitor his/her reactions. If you notice some confusion or “disgust” then you know your partner is just not into the whole foot thing.
     
    The main word here is slowly. You don’t want to go full freak on your partner straight off the bat. You don’t want o scare him/her or freak them out.
     
    The bottom line is that everyone is different and dating requires some interpersonal skills. The method you chose 
     depends on your personality, your partner’s personality, your confidence, and your level of experience in sex and 
     dating.
     
    Good luck to you my fellow kinkster! Don’t be discouraged if your partner doesn’t accept you for who you are because there’s someone out there for everyone.
     
    Source: Marlene Solerne and Modern & Blissful 

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